dating apps are a numbers game.

taylor and jordan (@jordanamberburke), her only friend left from high school, share their online dating techniques, reminisce about the good ole days, and compare notes on how their past relationships have helped them realize what they're looking for in their next relationships. 

Transcript

So you are actively looking I am actively trying to care

I think that pretty much sums it up. Oh, yeah.

Hi everyone. I know it's been God. a while since I've done this, but I guess I'm back.

It took a little hiatus here.

God, why? Because I moved.

I moved to LA for a little while I was living there. zipline, how long? It's been that long. Wow, how crazy. No, so much since then. I've done so much since this and so much has changed. so crazy. So

I'm actually here with one of my besties um, she's actually my only real remaining friends

from high school that I really communicate with, like, daily

legitimately have phone calls or FaceTime every day. I think unfortunately, you hate the FaceTime. I hate FaceTime. Okay, so yeah, this is Jordan. Jordan Burke. Nice to meet you. Oh my gosh. Here's the light when he I don't know. That was cute though. Really? cordial. cordial, sincerely.

Oh,

my God. You're crazy. Yeah, so we've known each other since it wasn't my senior year. It was was my sophomore. Yes, it was my junior year of high school. Yeah. Which is crazy. I feel like yeah, it's been longer than that. I got so long. It's still a long time long. It's still a long time. But yeah, it hasn't. I think we've it's been 10 years. It's been 10 years, I think, right? I'm not gonna try and get and do the math here right now. I'm not Yeah, no, but maybe maybe I think

Yeah, because it No, it is.

Did our graduation dates we did a little math and mental math and but we're a decade caught up. We have a decade of French a decade. And our relationship is really been so hilarious. so hilarious. Really. Seriously, so hilarious. I feel like we like we were just saying we're so similar but so opposite and so many things. We can get to the same exact point mentally, but yeah, absolutely. So I feel like

to it was interesting that us being in different years, especially like because we had it was happening at a very transitional time because I was about to be going to I was like applying to schools. Yeah. and stuff. And then I went to college and you are still in high school knows stuck with my brother.

Literally, like graduated like next to Isaac, I think. Yes, that next week. Yeah. I think one kid didn't come. That's right. I went away. Yeah. And then he ended up sitting next to other. That's cool. Very nice. Yeah, it was nice, because I got to see your parents the whole time. I was like, yeah, so you're both looking for this. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's cute. Because, um, you guys are in the same homeroom too. Yes.

You know, like one. Like, there was one kid between us all the time, though. That is so crazy. So funny. But the bu bu

Yeah. So

I guess like, I'm back. Because life honestly isn't really at its component parts that different from what I stopped doing before I was single at the time then.

Looking for guys.

And I think then I didn't know at all what I was looking for. And I ended up falling into a extremely serious relationship that was long distance at first. So this Yeah, and then came back and then rocked it out for several months. I think I'm back because COVID xover COVID Dover and two, I think will come it's not 100% of writing. Yeah, I'm just being dramatic. I'm just saying like I can leave the house now. That's more so what I'm trying to say and

and to I guess because I'm single again and my friends literally like everybody cracks up all the stories I tell them going on dates and stuff like my I've like a snapshot group of friends and it is so bad like the things that I say there people die. They're like what is wrong with me? I'm so disappointed that I'm not in the Snapchat. It was born out of a bachelor understand but like the fact that they're getting funny updates that I'm like missing out on No, you're getting an update. I know but like in a different manner. Like Yeah, that's true. You're not Yeah, I'm not laughing.

about it with others. So I think this is necessary. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. So I definitely am in a house. So you're single to go to Yes. Yes. No. Yes. Everyone else. Yeah.

How recent is it? How long has it been now? Often? Like, it's only a month, like only a month? Yeah. And it was a guys it was a really free

Yeah, it was so serious. She basically lived with this dude. Yeah. And his children, his kids to freaking get they were like, they were so cute, though. They are so cute. Yeah, they are still will just currently. Yeah, they're still currently still cute.

Yeah. And your dog was over there sometimes. Like almost all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like, unwinding from that was? How did the way you left that whole situation is hilarious to me. Because like, you were reading things a little bit at a time here.

I don't know.

I don't think

you ever heard that. Like, oh, that's awkward. But yeah.

You totally did. No, that's hilarious. But yeah, no, I definitely like it was it was a rocky and

so I mean, like, I had accumulated so many things at his house. For real, literally, and like, with this is the thing like we would like, it would like, end and like, I just feel like I still have stuff in my car.

Yeah, like, I'm just like, Oh my goodness. So he would constantly like I was just like, I need to. So everything like was kinda like already, like I knew everything was like, right. Yeah. So it was like, pretty easy. Things over Little by little, little by little. Yeah. So she was telling me like, yeah, things haven't been that good. You know, it's been stressful. And I don't know, I'm just not sure if like, this is really working out like, whatever. I don't know what to do. And somehow you let it slip that you've had a bag with the lipstick that you're bringing to your please. Yes.

Girl, I think it's over. You're moving your authority slowly but surely moving out. You're like, Yes, I've done that several times. Yes. I've done this several times now. But yes. Like, that's the thing I should have. I like, it was like, so serious, like, immediately, like not immediately, but it was just like, it was almost like we were living together. But I still had my own life house. Yeah, you saw your own house. Yeah. But it was like, awkward to the point because it was like we were with each other all the time. But if I went back to my house, it was probably because like, I was like, we were arguing. Yeah. So it was like my house became like, it was like, almost like I couldn't go there. Because it was like, it was like, oh, like you're mad. Yeah, something's wrong. Yeah. And like, but it's like, then like, when do I go to my house? Like if I like? Yeah, like, yeah, you had to, like, take advantage of the time. So yes, literally what it was like,

my house was like, but it's like, what, like, Yeah, but it's funny because like, that's brings up a really good point. Because like, when you're in a relationship, sometimes you don't really like when you see the end coming. Your instinct sometimes get there before your head does. And like that's a perfect instance, where you were really kind of stepping out of the door. But like, cognitively like you were not I think I was also spending more time at my house. So it was like, Oh, I want these things at my house. You know, true. Like, before I got there. Yes. Like, you know, situationally kind of helped you away. Exactly. It was like through the process who I want like my like, just like there was so many, like, just so many random things and be like, Oh, I want my freakin hula hoop at my house because I'm like, at my

random shape.

But yeah, yeah.

Oh, my.

God.

Like, that's so awkward. Like, at what point do you like? Yeah, but like, I'd be like, Oh, well, you know, my rollerblades? I don't know why I'm only using sports equipment. Yeah, why are you so worried about these random square things? And they're also like, they're so random. It's like when do you take that? into like fifth grade like, is activity excuse you like units in gym class? Who lubing

I don't think I had a rollerblading unit in my gym class. Did you know but we did go to K these gates

are

amazing. I live in a video trail. I love it. I have not been the case. Guedes. I would go to Kate skates one time in

elementary school. My mom said I couldn't wait my entire class because there was like a roller skating rink.

And

it was like super inexpensive for the birthday party. My mom was like yes and by everyone whereby it was amazing. We went It was not it was not an upscale put it that way it was it was it was rough.

So my mom was like obviously we're not having your birthday because I literally we both just looked at each other and she was like we're not going to have your party here it's okay

so we went to kids kittens? Yeah, it was like a janky ass plates was like adults like it was fourth yeah it was like it was like almost like there was a smoky vibe to it. Like Yeah, there wasn't smoking inside I don't think so. It's it's almost like those weird bowling alley yes do like the front area that no one else no one ever goes out there no you go straight to the back with the the black way and then in the glow in the dark. I really think that this is a not universal experience. This is a US experience with that one bowling.

I thought that Oh boy.

You don't think they're like I don't think they all have a secret well lit back. I think No, but I feel like I

probably started doing that when you know it became the cool thing to like amp up bowling but maybe not No, I think okay, so I don't know if this is a common thing and I'm very interested to know if it is or not multiple bowling alleys most of them are not like that. But I know the specific bowling I like the other bowling alleys I've really been to are like nicer bowling alleys. Yeah, so they're like an experiential like adult Yeah, but like that place was okay. So at this bowling alley, the front of it is like, you know, you can side by a dive.

roadie people with like dim lighting atmosphere. Yes. And not in a cute like, nice girl. I feel like Yeah, no, then you go and like there's like a little ramp down. There's like a living in the very back and then like you think this is the end? This is like the end of the snack shops. Right? It's a snack shop. I was just gonna say concession stand to your right.

And it's a well lit fun looking bowling alley. It's like two universes. It's so weird. It's like It's like so cool though. Because like the back area was like darker. thumping. Yes. And it had like, glow in the dark like shapes and shit. Yes, it was really cool. And it was like that weird. Like, I've cosmic carpet. Yep. Like, on the walls too. I wouldn't say there was carpet on the wall. Yeah, I guess it was like kind of like held with the sound Yes. But like now looking back on it from like an actual adults point of view. Do you know what the name is this place just like AMC is an AMC. AMC. Is every AMC like that? I'm so curious to know. We'll find out we'll find out what to ask around. Ask around.

What do we ask people please describe your local AMC for us.

I

think that's the better way to go about it because my instinct is always the stupid way to describe my experience and be like you know when so is the do you relate to this? Like, oh, you know, there's bowling alleys or like, Whitlam in the front and party in the back. It's like a mullet but a bowling ball. Know I will be going into and people just be staring at me and like to say that literally, like I have no idea trauma. No, that doesn't matter is that happens to me all the time. And I don't know why I'm just a bridgid the other way and just ask, like telling my experience. I feel like as like, just the way that we are. It's so like, I feel like we come with an explanation. Like, so many that like I've already like, I don't just tell it like it's like there's a whole backstory so it's like, I feel like that's another example of Yeah, for sure. For sure. That's so funny. It's so funny. Hilarious. The bowling alley. Okay, I don't even know how we got there. But

no, no more Bowling

for us, dear not. Um, okay. So again, we were talking about Yes, I'm newly single. So housing on a scale of one to 10 would you say you are one to 10? Like a 10?

I don't feel like you're at a time. Like I feel like you're like at a seven. I mean, like mentally like how like over it Am I like?

Oh, like but like I like that. Like it's definitely like moving forward like not what? Yeah, you're just ready to be on the now. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. But you're like, dating but not dating like so you're on hinge and mumble right. Yeah, so

But

really, it's overwhelming. And I literally get to the point in conversation with people and I just I'm horrible. Taylor. I literally just ghost them. I can't get dull. No, I just can't. I can't like it's gonna sound horrible. I can't fake interest in people. I don't know what it is. But and I don't really care presumably like yes, I am interested. Yeah.

And you would think and then I just get to the point where it's like, they're like, I don't know, like, get to the point in conversation where I'm just like, no. I don't know. I was like, No, no, I can do without it exactly like, is this adding? Like, I don't know, I just feel like nothing is adding to my life. It's only adding stress. I feel like the same way because you found him on an app. You're so like, was it the same way before? And he just ended up being somebody that was just like, yeah, hey, let's meet 100 was 100 just wanted to meet up the only reason that I like actually went through with that was on like an app was because we went on a date that day that we like matched. Even on a date that day. Yeah. Yeah, literally. Next day, yeah, we talked all day. And then like that night, we went on a date. Wow, quick, real quick. I like that, too. I I just I can't I can't. I just I can't now I don't understand you like okay, so Taylor.

Like, just your for your first date stories of my like, my favorite thing in the entire world, honestly. Oh, my God, so

cringy. And so just felt like multiple days of feeling uncomfortable. I don't understand from a different perspective. Do you? Like I feel like when I date men, they want to talk all the time. How do you deal with that with multiple people? I can't do that. Like texting. Yes. Oh, okay. You don't mean? I'm not a great texture. I'm not either, right. So and I forget and I don't I don't point to days, girl. I will forget one day and people are just okay with that. Like, I just feel like

I tell them that a friend. Because usually on that what I do is like, Okay, so what I usually do is like I'll match with someone. And then we'll be like, chatting for a sec. Okay, and then all goes out the go dark by accident, say at some point. So then I'll come back and say Hey, sorry. Like, I never really checked this out. Like I don't have my notifications on for Yeah, but yeah, I think I have mine for Bumble, but I don't know why, like 24 hours the timing. That's why I was so like, what I say is like, hey, like sorry about the gap, like whatever. I never really get on here. I don't have notifications on.

Here's my number. You can just text me it's easier. Yeah. But then I was getting my number and more people have my number. But then once this is this is the part you have to talk to the key. No, this is the key piece before even like a conversation via text. I go in with the text saying just by the way, I'm can't guarantee I'm gonna be much better than I was before responding just because it's text. I just am bad at texting. So don't take it personally. It's just like me. Like, I'm just like, not great about it. And so I always do that because it's the truth. It's not like I'm making it up like it's just like it would be really I don't want someone to this happened to a guy actually I was just talking to and

he said that it really bothered him that I didn't respond. He was like, it just seems like you're not interested. Like it seems like you don't care. So bipolar with it though, cuz sometimes I'll be text I'll text back immediately and rapid fire just rapid fire. Yes. Sometimes. Literally. It's just like the crazy like, I don't know what it isn't the volley. Yeah, I just went back and forth. Yes. And then but then sometimes. No, like, no texting. Oh, yeah. At all. silence and people are like, so like, freaked out by that. I feel

like men want the consistency of like, all the time. And I'm like, I don't have the time for it. And I just don't have the patience. I don't have the pretend I just I cannot fathom the energy to pretend to care about multiple people's everyday life. See, but I don't I don't talk about what's happening on the daily I'm telling you, I really don't text these people that much. But that's how I don't want days. Okay.

Okay, but like people like don't answer.

Yeah, I don't really and then you're like, Okay, so we'll see you it's for the day Friday. Yeah, cuz we made the plans. Yeah, like, Okay, see you then like, whatever, whatever. So if they say something in between, I do try and respond like whatever. But like, I'm not carrying on like, oh, and then I did this. Oh, just grabbing a coffee right now. Like whatever. Like I'm not that's the stuff people are like, I can't do it. Yeah, I just don't do it. I just hang out with them.

But this is not like, it's also easier to because I feel like I don't go deep until I'm on the date like and I don't want to know a shit ton about you. But that's my issue. I don't want to waste a bunch of time.

Alright, we're back. That was really stressful. My Computer tried to autocorrect my feedback, which there was feedback a little bit.

That just shut the mic down. Shut the mic down. It shut the mic down just that was first of all, but I figured it out. Every

thing is not broken. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is. In fact, everything is not in fact, it is actually nothing. And actually nothing

is ever my mind, because I'm handing over. God, why am I still guys? It's like literally like 1027 I'm still like not feeling 100% myself. I remember when we can like, I can't believe that my good drinking days were in high school is not depressing. See, I didn't drink that much in high school.

I didn't drink that much around you guys, where were you? I just didn't drink that much. Like I was there and I would hang out and I would hold a beer. But I'd be like holding that beer the whole night. Yeah, like I wasn't into drinking because I also didn't like to drive. Like I was so worried about drinking and driving. Yeah, of course. I was so so a lot of times I was the duty. Hello. Yeah. Why do you need a watch parties different perspective? We did. Well, I did. I was dating actually, when someone's house got, like, in a party got shut down with the call of Sabrina's.

Yeah, I was doing Yeah. And I was weird. I was circling back and I was like, literally putting out on Twitter. I will come and like I gave you so I was saved. I was saved. Someone will save me that night. Good times. I was like, I'm coming good time. Do we cheer yet?

That's so funny. That.

Okay, we were talking about how

I don't want so my like method to maintain. That's your method to maintaining dating multiple people because I what happens? Okay, and I don't mean, I can't say this. I don't mean to sound like, Oh, I didn't cut it. Yeah, I just say I just I feel like okay, so when I meet someone I feel like they become it's always I don't know, if I attract obsessive people. Or if I think I said,

I know exactly what is saying to set the tone. And say Don't expect me to meet the standards. And I set the tone of the beginning cuz I'm excited to talk to a person where I'm like, oh, tech, sex tech slide. Yeah. And then they're like, oh, you're not gonna do that the whole time. So I set an expectation you do that I cannot sustain. You can't. And the thing is, too, is like, you have to go in with your boundaries clear? Yes. And I'm scared. Because if my lifestyle isn't going to work for somebody, they're not a prospect. And it's not that I'm just out there. Not a prospect, you know, because it's like, it's not like, I'm just out here dating to date. Yeah, that's not it. I'm trying to find like, know, the right person. I'm trying to find my one so that I don't have to date anymore. Because I don't love doing it. Like Yeah, but like, Oh my gosh, you look like you're having so much fun. Like, well, I'm like, No, three days a week is a lot. And it's a horrible, like, sometimes it sucks and like, you run out of outfits. And I just I just like it's a lot.

But the problem is the thing is, is that the only reason I'm doing it not much is because I'm running numbers. Like it's really a statistical numbers game literally. Oh, fine. And that's the thing is I feel like you are so like motivated to do it. I just keep settling. I just keeping like, Fuck, I don't want to do that. This is good. This is good enough. Yeah, no, that's my problem. Don't look at me with that horrifying look. Don't look at me, I realize it's an issue. I'm analyzing it right now. Like, I'm coming to terms. Because I really think so. Like, I

I know I have I have such high standards. And it's like, I keep putting myself in these situations where it's like, that was not serving me to the like, like, what total leg total. But it just, it kills me that I like looking back on things. It's like, but now it's that's the only way it is so you. You can't see it when you're in it most of the time to close. Yeah, even when other people try to tell you sad. I don't listen to it. I mean, to a certain degree I do. I mean, like if it's, if it's like how your ENTJ like saying something? Like I'm gonna listen to what my parents have to say, I'm not just gonna brush it off. But sometimes I do make excuses. Oh, yeah. When there are things that could be seen as issues. Yes, that then ended up actually being issues because

I love your parents so much. Yeah, so they're always right. But actually, no, they're not always right. But they usually do have a good read on things. And I think people outside of the situation Do they have a unique perspective? Yes. And they just always have your best interest in heart so it's like totally always like safe people. Yes, for sure. I totally trust their advice, but like, so like, kind of what I do, is that like, I do it upfront and I say like,

yeah, like I can't, I'm not really that big of a texter. Like I'm definitely way more ad talk on the phone or in person person. And if that doesn't work for them, they can be like, you know, not my vibe and then it'll peter out like or whatever, if they're not direct but like I just like to come correct about it. But then to it's like

Yeah, we'll just like text for a sec. And then it's like, okay, let's make plans. And sometimes I literally have to outright say like, I'm like, okay, so are you gonna ask me out or what?

I love that nobody do because it's like, if the conversation is dragging on it's like, How do I know if I want to be with someone based off a text conversation? Like you have to be around them? You know? Yeah. It's like one thing you can have like a lot of just like really good chat and like really good banter, like, via text and then get in person and just be cordial. Yeah. So I know a really good texter and like and then not be a good conversationalist, right. Yeah. So what's your ideal? first date? ideal first date?

Okay, I would say like some just, I like activities.

You don't like activities? I do not like, act. I like activities to a certain extent. Like I don't want to like go outside. Like sometimes I will go outside, but it's just depends.

Like an example. Give me an example. Okay, so like game bars. I know. That was like, you went on a good day to a game bar and we're like, horrified. That's ideal. So out of dinner, then a game bar love that. That's a fun thing for me, like show like how it was have a good conversation. And then let's go and like, let me kick your ass to the game. Okay, see, that's okay. That's fine. You still get to like get in the Convo time. Oh, yeah. The dedicated, uninterrupted, or Yes, he avoid eye contact at all costs. And Is he crazy? It does he talk about his ex 24 seven. You know, like, I kind of want to suss that stuff out upfront. I would do that. It's another example top off, because I feel like you can still have a lot of conversation there. It's not just

what else

I like, I like just going to dinner. But I do like an activity. I really do. Like an activity I do legitimately it is the bane of my existence to go on to a day and like, have them say, Okay, so this is what happened. guy. Oh my god. So funny. This guy asked me on a date. And it's like,

oh, so because I was saying that I went to stroke, which is like this golf bar, where you do like, indoor like mini golf. That's only freaking nine holes. Like if you don't really like a hole 18 That's weird. That's really weird. So it's very brief and a short. It's very short. And it's all indoors and everything. So it's like, I guess if that's a factor, but it's cute. It's fun. Yeah, but it doesn't take you long to get through it. Like at all. Yeah. So whatever. We do that for Father's Day. So this guy in our texting whatever. I told him that that's what we were doing. Because we were trying to make plans but we were so that day, and then

he asked me like, okay, so like let's go on a date. And I'm like, Okay, sure. Great.

As a What do you wanna go? And he suggests

I'm just like dying laughing it because I'm just remembering my shock at it. Yes. So I'm thinking you're gonna say like a restaurant. Yeah, like I'm assuming he's gonna know but you set the tone you're at the right stroke. You're at a Yeah, I didn't even realize he was going to go off that so what do you suggest slingshot which is literally a game bar. Dave investors situation. Yes. And that's horrifying for you so bad. But I feel like it's a more upscale Dave and Busters situation almost.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I really haven't even been

what now maybe a video Yeah, but I was picking me and my ex used to go to Dave and Busters and Freddy's and shit like that. But we house Fridays, like Dave and Busters. Where is Freddy's Concord reader in Concord going to Freddy's

go karts like the I love adrenaline. Go hard. Don't like adrenaline. I feel. I love adrenaline, my adrenaline pumps in. That's why I get myself into these situations. It's the adrenaline rush. I'd rather just have a really nice makeout session that that to me gives me a little adrenaline boost. That's a great there. Yes. But at the same time that I feel like I need more. I need more. Okay, so I deal first date. Okay. So yeah, okay, so he takes me there, whatever. Yes. And so the other option was an was top off. Yes. Oh, one on top. And he was like, Well, I know you already did that. Like before, so whatever. So ended up being slingshot. And you know, my first instinct was just to be like, you know, I kind of usually do dinner on the first day, like, whatever. I was really like, I was about to type that. And then really

go with the flow. Yeah, just like try to be a little bit more. Less regimented. I'm a control freak. Yeah. Obviously. Yes. obvious. I'm like, extreme control, extreme control. So

extreme control feel to the point that if you can control something in someone else's life, sometimes you just have to step back. I Oh, yes.

Because if we were someone else's doing something, and it's just like, and I really want to just get in there and be like, no sabbat Thank you. Never again. But I have to do sometimes back away slowly.

But yeah, so we went there, and it was actually super fucking fun. I told you. I was literally I know, you told me I'll try to like, walk you through the vibe of the place before you went, yes, I needed. Yeah, like, please just tell me what it's like, like what to expect going into it. And it's like I was getting checked in because you know, I have to say like, if I like die on these games, like I'm not gonna see you. Yeah. And so the girl is checking me and she's like, Oh, are you here? Like on a date? And I was like, yeah, how do you know? And she's like, you look really cute. So like, you know, like most people come here and like who's hitting on you? She wasn't hitting.

You check. You thought maybe she's bending on me? No, she talked about it.

So we chatted it out. Because he was running a little bit late because it's hard to find parking. Yeah. And so we were chatting everything. I'm like, bitch, I'm nervous, like, almost shaking, like, just so out of my element. Like, oh, fish out of water was so weird. And she's like, no, you'll be good. Like, whatever. And she's like, and if it's weird, just like, send me a look. And I got you, you know, she would probably even step in and do anything, but it's just like, good. Backup, like, whatever. And

so he got there. And he was like, seriously really fucking fun. It was really fun. And he was super competitive. And love that really funny. And, like, just gave me so much shit. I love that I love people just like, like, I like the activities that because that's what I love about activities is like, get to know their personality. And if, like, there's any teamwork involved, like I just, I love. I love doing things and like,

I don't know, I have such severe ATD though, I think which I don't know if I even do but like, I just think my brain. I can't. I like to do dinner, but I think that it's a more accurate representation of me to be like, bouncing around and doing, you know, like, that's totally, I think there's if you knew, like people who know me would think oh my god, Taylor. That is like, literally your worst nightmare letter. I knew it was your worst nightmare. Cuz I was literally gonna say one of my ideal thing. One of my fun things is like Dave and Busters and stuff, and I was gonna say, I know this is probably your worst nightmare. So like, okay, I deal first day, I think that yours makes sense to me. Yeah, just for my personality. I think yours make sense for me if to your for your personality as well. Like, yeah,

I don't know. Yeah, I love an activity. I think I'm so fun. So why wouldn't you want to do an activity?

Okay, but my thing is, okay, so like, do you have questions that you ask? I feel like, that's where I differ because I end up having to talk to these people so much that I know a lot about them going into the date. So it's like we can do an activity and I don't have some sometimes I don't even do that. Much more. So yeah, yeah. Sometimes I don't even need to do the dinner before. I'm like, you just want to do like that. You know, like, Yeah, but yeah. And I feel like I always do like fate I like, am very, very hesitant to meet people. Wow, okay, Please, God, we've talked about this and you've not like, I don't know, I don't know how to explain it. I just like get so stressed about meeting new people, even in movie even Girls Girls, even like just friends, even just friends.

Like, what do you feel like? I don't know, I guess friends. It's not as bad. Like when I'm out in a social situation. I feel like I'm a very outgoing person. I don't have any social anxiety. But when I really think about it, like I can talk myself like if I'm in the situation, I'm in it. Right? If I am not in a situation I can talk myself out of it really easily. So it's like you just back away from it. Yeah, I'm just like, Oh, is this worth it? Nope. Bye.

Oh my god. Like literally like, but you it for you. I feel like with the way your life has been and the trajectory, it's gone on, like, just where you live. You've lived in the same place you went to college in the same city I grew up in true, like, so you never really had to really go out there and like try and make friends. Try and meet Yeah. 100% and then like, even when I lived in Italy, like I was there with one Oh, yeah. And you're there with school to learn how to reason. Exactly. Like friends built in. Like, you know, like, yeah, yeah. So like, how do you then what is it like date dating when you can't

do that? Dating when you can't like when you can't like meet new people

to review what is dated like it's terrifying. Just don't go on dates. I really have not like been on a date. I've been on like

Two dates. And like the last like, but again like one like it was someone I already knew. One was someone I met out.

Okay, yeah, your situational gal. Yeah, you're Yeah, so literally Yeah. See, but I don't like to I literally the amount of matches the amount of people in that just don't I can't terrifying and then it gets overwhelming. Yeah because now you have so many I have so many do you go through ever delete them? No, I don't delete anyone either, but Okay, so like then how are you going to find somebody? If you're not I don't know, am I not actively looking honestly. So you're I was to a point where I'm like, oh, but then I'm like, do I want to know circling back to you're saying you're single reading you said you were 10 now we understand the six or seven. But like single doesn't mean have to mean that I'm actively looking for someone else. Well, I'm that's what I'm saying it like that. Okay, so well if we're phrasing it like that, like okay, but I don't know, I really don't know. Um, I feel like I'm not. That's why I just feel like it's been so like me trying to force it on apps and things like that. So I'm like, I just, that's why I think Yeah, I feel so fake. I'm such. I feel like I'm not a fake person to the extent that where it's just like, it's so difficult for me to pretend to care which sounds

but it's because you don't know that because I don't know. Exactly. And that's my problem is I always end up like with Pete like, I feel so much more comfortable with people I know. Yeah. And like, but then it's like I have to make I have to meet someone and like get to know them real quick. Yeah. Or like I'm like, so. Okay, that's so interesting. It's so interesting. We've completely different style. Yeah, it's my weird police on the day. I'm gonna try your style, though. Yeah, I may start talking to people a little more.

It's stressful. Yeah, people like I'm telling you, I feel like people get like, I need to I really need to I feel like we need to blend the styles a little bit. Yeah, maybe we need a man in the middle. Oh, yeah. Cuz your your guys are very, like obsessed with. Like, I don't want to say it. But it's literally obsessed. Literally. This guy was talking to us literally the other night. He was like, I just I don't know. He was like, I feel like people you have that personality when people just start like falling in love with you. Yeah, he literally said, and you literally have to beat people off of this day. And but that's my problem. Is that like I am so sometimes anti vulnerability that I am like, I pick people who sometimes like couldn't be bothered, like really? Yeah, some I literally like this guy data. He like literally, I always questioned if you like me or not what I did, I constantly questioned it and I constantly would like, be like, what are we What does he think is going on? Is? Are we living in this kind of adding like it? Oh, no. And like, now I'm worried. That's not like you That's so funny. It was so I was a different person. That relationship. It was so strange. And like, when we broke up, I looked, I was sitting there and I felt like it was like at the end of it. I felt myself being so not needy, but like,

constantly searching for affirmation, because he just wasn't communicative enough. Yeah, or maybe I wasn't receptive enough to hear it maybe because too I feel like sometimes I have this like whole like imposter syndrome thing like where I'm like, Oh, I don't deserve it. I'm not like you know, there's no way that a guy like this be interested in me like whatever I'm like, so easy because she's so hard stop it's just like it's so funny though. Because I literally get so in my head about it sometimes. But like that was the first time I've ever like projected that onto the relationship. Yeah, and weirdly because of interest. Yeah, it was weird. I was like a girl I did not know I was like bitch like who are you are? Yeah, so interesting because that's so not you at all not me at all. So if Bell the power that people can have over you is so crazy that the power that you give them the power that you give them seriously is it's really only as good as what you give. Yeah 100% that was an insightful one for me. That was an interesting because I think he was trying to tell me in his way this is something that's interesting about love languages. Yes. Let's talk about love languages when your partner

is not speaking the same love language as you when they're not showing you when they're not showing their love for you the way that you need to receive that you receive it Yeah, those don't match up. You can watch things you can things will what go right over your head. Yeah, and you can it can be an extremely like just like heartfelt outpouring thing for them. Yeah, but if it's an artist service bitch by like, I don't see it. Yeah, I want to hear it and I want the time. Like Yes, to me. That was a huge thing in my past.

Relationship It was like opposite like opposite and then it but we were both aware of what the other person's was and it but it was like

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